The Year of Discipline

Happy Two Thousand and Eleven!

photo by my talented and lovely sister, Ashley Ashworth

I like setting goals. In fact, it’s something I took to doing every three months or so this past year. That works better for me; that way I have a time to stop and assess how I’ve been doing and course-correct as needed.

Chris and I sat down and made some goals to start off the new year. Mine included flossing daily, running a marathon, and starting a blog about bookbinding. Also featured was getting my house tidier/more organized and paying ¼-1/2 of my school loans.

But I’ve been thinking about myself and the things I really want to change. As I stared at my list of things to do, it seemed that most of the things on the list of goals were things I should already be doing (flossing, keeping my apartment cleaner). And I knew that it was likely that most of these things would happen—but all of them? And what would fall through the cracks?

My sister Brittany posted a link on facebook to Christine Kane's post about New Year's resolutions. She suggests a different approach; instead of setting goals, pick one word that you want to kind of encompass the change you want to see in yourself. I liked the idea.

I looked over the list and almost immediately I knew what it would be for me: discipline. I consider myself many things, but disciplined is not one of them. I think, for me, it was a way to rebel when I was younger. I’ve never liked being told what I should do. It always seemed to me that if I absolutely should do something, it would happen eventually. Like dishes getting clean or essays written, book read or even graduating from college. They happen, right?

But I guess that I’m starting to realize that somewhere along the way, I was losing control. Losing my power over my time and how I would use it. Losing my ability to focus and accomplish.

And that’s really what I’m feeling like true discipline is about—not doing things because others think I should, but rather, keeping the commitments I’ve made to myself. Getting a little follow through for all my hare-brained schemes.

So, my mantra for 2011 is discipline. Already I’ve caught myself getting off task and been able to ask myself: is this a disciplined way to do this? Is this really what I’ve committed to doing right now? Looking at my list of goals, the only way to make sure they happen? Discipline myself. Make a plan and stick to it. Become my own best friend and personal assistant.

I talked to my sister, Kristin, about this idea. She shared a quote with me that went something like this:
“You can either face the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.”

And I don’t know about you, but I’ve tried regret on for size a few times and I don’t much care for it. It’s itchy and chafes in all the wrong places. My guess is that the pain of discipline will be closer to the burn of a good work out and the delicious achiness that follows. The pain of strength.

So here’s to a regret-free 2011.

What are your goals and ambitions for the coming year? And what is your plan of action?

An instruction in living

I love photography. In the way that I admire talents that others have, to capture life's moments. To tell so much, to invoke such feeling simply with recorded light.

I follow some photographers on twitter, not the least of which is theJed.

Browsing his Flickr account today, I came across a series of beautiful images from a trip to Lake Powell with his family (from which the above is borrowed). The gold light, red gritty sandstone, and the algae-colored water that turns murky and brown in the shallows; it came alive to me. I wasn't there, but I felt the sleek water run through my outstretched fingers as I paddled, the warm sting of a sunburn, the slimy sludge between my toes.

Trips to Lake Powell every summer were a long-standing tradition on my dad's side, up until I was thirteen or so. Looking at the photos brought back those times — not in specific memories, but in impressions, in the vivacity of youth, the joys of being strong and free on a lake in the heat of summer. It brought my mind alive, relishing this internal stream of responses brought on by stimuli. This is what beauty is, I thought, what art should be: an instruction in living, a how-to for cherishing existence.

Later as I headed home on my blue Huffy, I still rode on that high. Rather than resenting the wind, I noticed the cold, recorded the steely sensation. In my head, everything was a photograph, everything was art. The scraggly bush that grows over into the sidewalk, the rolling gray of the sky above; things I usually don't notice, that I take for granted, were suddenly there, so real and deliciously tangible. I enjoyed the rumble and shift of the rubber wheels over a path of cement blocks set in the earth, end to end.

There is a quote from Anaïs Nin: "We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect." And while that's true, I know that I write, at least in part, to anticipate life. Because I know that for every moment I take the time to delight in and write about in retrospect instructs me on how to better appreciate the moments that are to come.

march 17th

cookies
with green frosting:
i ate three,
and a large bowl
of mint green
chocolate chip
ice cream.
guilty, a little;
but indulgence,
sometimes,
is the necessay cure.

driving myself crazy

My alarm went off, the semi-cheery chorus of Psapp's "Hi" waking me. I groggily silenced it a couple times, then managed to drag myself out of bed. I lumbered around, ate a banana and was just about to start doing my hair when a sudden thought made my stomach lurch: I forgot to take that Spanish test. Yes, THAT test. The one that closed last night.

I frantically e-mailed my teacher, and she agreed to let me take it today and give me half credit for it. I did, and I think I actually did fairly well.

Still, I am furious with myself. So, so mad. 23+ points for that class, which is my toughest. Not what I needed.

And more than that is that I just know I haven't been working as hard as I should be. I have been working hard, but I could be doing more. I should be following the counsel of Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley when he said, "Just do the best you can, but be sure it is your very best."

Ah well. Tomorrow will be another day. Another week will come soon.
Hopefully I will get cracking a little more.

Salutations to a stranger

Dear Girl With the Cute Jacket and Tote With Lips Printed All Over It:

Firstly, your jacket really is cute. Great color! Love that rich brown, and the faux-fur trim is cute as well. Maybe we should become friends so I can borrow it sometime.

Also, thanks for smiling at me today as you walked past. I know you probably smiled at a lot of people, but I was the girl with the short orange hair, looking decidedly mismatched in a chartreuse scarf, fuschia hoody and teal jacket. Yes, you made eye contact and held it. You smiled very sincerely. On such a cold day, it warmed my heart to receive such a greeting.

So thanks for being so friendly.

Sincerely,
Elyssa Jean

The Necessity of Hope

It has been a while since I posted, so it feels like I have a lot to talk about and catch up on.

More than anything, while these past few weeks have held much conflict for me, they have also come with something so much greater: Resolve.

Robert's regular checkup found leukemic cells in his blood. He is back in the hospital, and has just finished off a first round of chemo. He will also have to undergo another bone marrow transplant.

I also have been letting myself get afraid. Drawing away, letting myself get scared. Afraid of being vulnerable.

Honestly, I feel that I've given in to despair often lately. My personal journal is filled with phrases like, "This is all so confusing," "I don't know how to do this," or "I can't believe it; I just feel so angry." Still, after I wind on down that path for a while, I always end up coming back to the Savior, and to His love. Almost every entry ends with a reference to Him and His atonement.
Too often, I lose sight of the opportunity that each day is. I think about the prospect of the next day, week, month, year, and wonder how I can do it all. Wonder how it is that I can continue to go on, to exist in a world that is so full of pain and despair. What could really make living in such a crazy world worth all the heartache?

And then I remember the answer: Christ, our Savior. It is His Atonement, His sacrifice that makes sense of all the senseless pain and tragedy of the world. He lifts those who reaches to Him, makes it possible for them to heal, to become pure. He descended below all these things, all these hurts so that He could lift me above them

Hope is more than just a feeling; it is a conscious choice. It is the choice between having faith, believing, and keeping our hope alive, or giving in to grief and despair. Being hopeful means habitually choosing hope over fear or doubt, every time the choice presents itself.

I have received the resolution I needed. I have felt a confirmation, letting me know that all things are working together for good. I know Ashley and Robert’s journey will be hard and painful, but I also know it will be worth making. I know that because of the Atonement, and their faith, something good and beautiful will come out of it, something better than could have come by an easier way.

I also know that all things in my life are working together for my good. I see the way to courage and love opening up before me. I feel that I am being blessed with the resolve to embark on the journey. I am ready!

I choose to have the Hope needed to know that what lies ahead is perfect.
The best is yet to come.

Some Nitty-Gritty Details.

In my previous post, I discussed the challenges and blessings that have come with being back up at school.
But, apparently, you guys (Janelle) didn't want to hear vague statements or sweeping generalizations.
No, you wanted details. The juicier, the better.

So, seeing that I am such a people pleaser, I decided to oblige. Following are some details about my life up here in Rexburg.

Weather:
It is pretty darn cold, but there is not nearly as much snow as there was last year. It's only snowed a couple times since I've been up here. I am kind of glad about this, but come on. This "all or nothing" business is a bit extreme. Plus, the Idahoans need the moisture!
Also, the snow melts and makes a lot of ice. Good for shoe skating.

Classes:
-I love my British Literature teacher. He is very entertaining, and has fun being in class. He has gone off on several amusing tangents, including a long story about why his dog got itself impregnated, and it is the worse dog in the world, among other things. We also had a lengthy discussion another class period about whether his shirt was pink or just "light red" (it was totally pink).
-My Spanish class is going really well! I currently have a 99.48%, so go me! The teacher I have now I also had for Spanish 101, and she is a great, and her teaching style really works for me.
-Orchestra is great; we are playing the IV Movement of Dvorak's Symphony no. 9 New World. I swear, I didn't know it was possible to actually record that kind of majesty, but it is. Give it a listen.
-My Music Appreciation class is fun, as well. My teacher is pretty laid back, and hey, I get to listen to a bunch of music, go to live concerts on campus, and get credit for it all. Hello, awesome!
-My Book of Mormon class is also really good (aren't religion classes always good, though?). One of our first assignments was to write a paper outlining one area of our lives that we wanted to improve on. I chose selflessness; I would really like to experience having more of that ultimate Christ-like quality.

Roommates/Apartment Life:
I am really loving my apartment! It was a bit quiet at first, and us roomies didn't interact a lot at first, but it has really warmed up and we have a lot of fun together.
-Last night: OH THE DRAMZ. Kirsti and Deborah (they were good friends, and now share a room) got in a fight! Kirsti was joking around, pushing Deb's buttons, but then Deb actually got upset and threw a loaf of bread at Kirsti, who threw it right back and followed it up with a bottle of cranberry juice (which consequently exploded all over the floor). It was INTENSE. AND CRAZY.
And pretty hilarious, really.
They made up later, as well, so it was all good.
-Kirsti and I have been working out together! We've gone to a step class a few times, and which are actually a lot of fun! Kirsti is from Texas, and LOVES animals. She watches Animal Planet all the time, and says at least once a day how much she misses her dog. She is pretty fun, but also a pretty focused person.
-Deborah cut my hair, and it actually looks SO FLY. It is now shorter in the back, and longer in the front. I'll take a pic and post it soon. So, yes, Deb does hair, and is in school for Auto Mechanics. She is from South Carolina is totally a country girl. She's sweet and nice.
-Paris has her room to herself (since Tess ended up not coming up). She is SO nice, and is pretty quiet. She is totally fun to hang out with though, because she laughs at me and thinks I'm funny. She is trying to get into the Nursing Program here right now.
-Jennifer is my roommate, and she is totally cool. She is tall (6'2"), and half Native-American, half Honduran. She is also a direct descendant of Sittin Bull. Cool, right? She has the biggest heart, and we have a lot of fun together. She makes a honking noise when she blows her nose and it is amazing!

What's New:
- I am writing for the school newspaper now! It is called the Scroll, and I had thought about getting involved in it, but was afraid I wasn't qualified or it would be too hard. It was funny, though, the subject kept popping up from different people. For example, I met this guy and we were introducing ourselves (his name was Russell), and almost right away he asked if I was interested in getting involved in any school publications (he does a lot of advertisment stuff with the school). I told him I was, and just had to laugh on the inside, wondering how he could have known! He encouraged me to go talk to someone in the i-Comm office, so I did, and voila. I was writing for the Scroll! It was almost disappointingly easy.
In any case, I wrote my first article and turned it in yesterday. I will post a link when it goes up on the paper's website.
-I have this totally obnoxious and ridiculous crush on a guy in Orchestra. He plays the bass, and he is so. good. looking. Seriously, I forgot what it was to be this attracted to someone. He is either a 1-2 or a 2-1, I think, and has the squinty eyes a la Robert Ashworth.
Yesterday I was helping put chairs away after class. He was standing next to the stack of chairs and offered to put up the two I was carrying. My heart dropped down to sphincter, I'm pretty sure. I let him, and that probably would have been that, but I somehow (thanks to a pep talk on Sunday by Ashley, centered around putting myself out there more) got up the courage to introduce myself. His name is Jacob, and he was even thoughtful enough to clarify whether my name is spelled with an "A" (which, as you know, it is not).
It was a small victory--but a victory nonetheless!--and I walked away grinning from ear to ear.

transitioning...

It has been a whole official week since the beginning of classes, and I must say that I am enjoying my time here at BYU-Idaho. Which is a relief. While I was constantly looking forward to being up here again the entire time I was in Las Vegas, I was still nervous.
Would me roommate be a "Me-Monster"?
What if my workload was crazy hard?
Would I get a lot of chances to meet new people?
What if the people I already knew didn't want to talk to me?
What if the testing center wouldn't let me in because of my crazy red hair?
What if my crazy red hair scared off potential dates?

I felt overwhelmed my first couple of days, which I realize is normal, but that doesn't make it any better to experience. (It actually peeves me when I am discouraged or frustrated and people tell me it's "normal" to feel that way. How exactly is that supposed to make me feel better? But I digress). I have also felt oddly anxious about most everything; usually I am pretty easy-going, and get things done as they come, make friends and meet people as I go. So feeling anxious or worried about anything really isn't my style. I am particularly concerned about falling behind in school. I guess this does cause me to be more motivated to get work done, i is not very enjoyable. I much prefer being motivated by pretty much anything, rather than fear. I'm kind of missing my old, leave-it-until-later, pull-it-together-at-the-last-minute self.
It's kind of hard not to feel isolated, as well, when you are living with four perfect strangers, your family and friends are ten hours away, and even if you wanted to talk to them you couldn't because you forgot your phone charger, and sadly enough, your phone does not run off of chewed up fingernails. I rely so much on my family, it can feel very hard to be apart from them for any amount of time.
So, in summary, I was kind of thrilled to be here, but my excitement was more a vague haze I could feel floating around on the other side of anxiety, loneliness, and something close to panic.

Still, even though transition are most always awkward, this one has been relatively smooth. While being up here isn't quite how I pictured or would have liked, I have noticed that I have many moments of clarity and joy. I feel more vivacious, and I have moments in which I truly relish life. Taking the time to notice the little, simple things; that is where the joy lies. When I take time to be grateful for:

-the sound of snow crunching beneath my feet,
-the smell of my vanilla lotion,
-being silly and having my roommates laugh along with me,
-the feel of my body, and how strong and good it is,
-tasting the health and flavor of food I cook for myself,
-the way that fog makes the world look peaceful and subdued.

...That is when I can feel and hear most clearly all the many ways Heavenly Father is telling me He loves me.
And I could never count them all.

Let it Shine

Oh, Christmastime.

To be honest, I have felt Christmas coming on since a Wednesday in early October. I was driving to Institute, when I realized that my A/C was turned off, and yet my car was not an unpleasant temperartue. I rolled down my window, and cool air rushed past me and ruffled what little hair I have. The air smelled smokey and was--could I believe it?--chilly! Driving in the dusk, with the scent of some log burning and cool air on my face--it just felt like fall. Which, in Las Vegas, happens to descend upon us right around Thanksgiving, and sticks around through Christmas and probably even New Year's.


So, maybe it's just that it seems to have gotten cool a little earlier this year, but I am quite ready for the holidays. I have gifts for all my sisters (although some of them still require some effort, since I am making them). I have even bought myself a little somethin' somethin' (oooh Buckle, how cute all your clothes are).

As Christmas has started to take up my mental space, I have found myself imagining how I want my Christmases to look someday. You know, when I have some strapping, handsome man to call my husband and maybe a gaggle of delightful children and some cute house somewhere. (I actually do this with everything--it is one of my favorite daydreaming activities. I already have the theme [peacock feathers], colors [peacock colors/teal and ivory], dress [I plan to sew it myself, ivory, satin, gatherd at my natural waist, with a faux-lapel in an accent color], and cake [actually i just know it will have ganouche on it] of my wedding all planned out). I have considered what traditions I love (opening one gift on Christmas Eve), which ones I wouldn't mind leaving behind (that this gift was ALWAYS pajamas of some sort). What my family will have for dinner on Christmas Eve (scrumptious potatoes will definitely be on the menu), and what treats I will stuff into stockings (homemade candies, while above my skill level currently, would be delightful).

And of course, I have pictured my dream tree. Fresh of course, tall (but not too tall; seven and a half feet would do), all piney smelling. It's branches would be full; it would have a skimpy spot, but we would just turn that side to the wall. Dotted with hundreds and hundreds of fat, round bulbs (as pictured above), carefully wound around branches. Sweets strewn about it: candy canes, caramels and truffles and chocolates dressed up in fancy wrapping, cookies on strings, gingerbread men and women (having edible things on my tree is something I feel very strongly about, mmm'kay?). And most of all: colours. Lots, and LOTS of COLORS. The brightest, most beautiful colors, and lots of sparkle. I want my tree to glitter. I want it to be brimming over with life. I want everything on it to be either handmade, a gift, or both. I want my Christmas tree to be as lively, sparkly, colorful, fun, and joyful as the season is.

I want to look at it and be reminded that that is how my life should be lived, loved, felt, every day. With vivacity, with boldness. I want to look at it, and remember that I, too, shine bright. To remember how it is possible that anything is able to shine in a world so full of dimness, sorrow, lost and broken things. To remember that it all things beautiful, lovely, joyous, and light are gifts from my Savior. That though Him, even the ugliest, saddest, foulest things can be made beautiful, clean, and joyful. That even if I had a million gorgeous Christmas trees, there would not ever be enough room beneath them to fit all the blessings He gives me.


So, while it is the Season of Giving, I'll try to make some room in my heart, too, for all the Gratitude I need to fit there.

Merry Christmas.

time flies on...

So I think it's starting to really sink in that I have a pretty limited amount of time left at home. I am sad about this in a lot of ways, but mostly I just feel a motivation to kick it in gear and get all the family-loving and free-time-hugging in that I can.

I am really excited about going back up to school, though. I have been thinking about it, and I have been getting a feeling that there is something I'm meant to be doing in Rexburg. Not that I would necessarily be the president of anything, but I definitely want to be more involved. I want to start a mini-company with Tess maybe, based around handmaking, refurbishing, and upcycling, and selling the awesome stuff we make. We have also talked about putting out a monthly zine.
In any case, I'm not sure exactly what my contribution will look like, but I am pretty sure it will involve writing. I'd like it to, anyway. I do have a lot of ideas; I suppose I will just have to see which pan out.

And just a reminder, in case you needed it (I know I have): God is mindful of you. And he loves you. Like, a ton.
That warm feeling you have?
Means it's true.

Until next time, much love.

ps: if you have any cool ideas, I need a name for my company/zine. leave a comment with suggestions! leave one, really. even if it's totally silly. it is needful for you to do this. now!

busy and loving it.

My lips are so chapped! They feel like two sticky halves of velcros strips rubbing against each other. Las Vegas is so dry. It's getting cold here. I am always surprised when it starts getting cold here. I sort of forget that it does that, you know?

Man, have I been busy!
I'ver been working a lot of hours at Tilly's and with Natalie. I also got my first paychecks (plural, I know. exciting!). So now I have the means to get a badly needed hair cut (YAAAY). And also, I need to pay tithing! I have been owing for a while now. It sure would be easier with a checkbook, so I wouldn't have to go and get cash out alls the time. I should order one.

I am really glad to be working more. It was hard to feel good, about myself or most anything, when I felt that I was useless and not doing anything. Not impossible. But still, it's much easier to feel good about myself at the end of a productive day.
I'm hoping I'll be able to start saving some real, serious cash soon. I would like to be able to pay for at least one semester upfront when I go back up to school.
It is very cool, though, how this whole faith thing has been working out. I really am so grateful! I know that Heavenly Father has an active, aware influence in my life. I can feel angels walking with me. I am grateful.

I love you all.

Another Yobby Yob!

So, I got that job I metioned I was interviewing for. I will be working for Natalie Littlefield, who runs a catering company. Saturday morning is my first day. I'm way excited! It has been cool how things have worked out; apparently she actually did need more help, and then I happened to call her, and the timing was perfect! I will get paid pertty well, and honestly, I'll just be excited to be making any kind of mullah. I'm axious to start saving up for my upcoming semesters at BYU-I.

I have also been slightly obsessed with thinking of ways to make my apartment all cute when I go back to school. What is up with that? I have had this crazy nesting urge, and it's seriously getting out of hand. I was helping my mom mount some fabric samples for the binders she put together for the image consulting she's doing, and was using spray mount. The ENTIRE time, I was brainstorming ways I could use that stuff (which is actually so obnoxiously sticky) to make eveything from paintings, to placemats, to appliques. And the other day at work, I got inordinately excited about changing manikins and putting up some new signs in the front of the store.
I'm starting to worry that this crazy urge might lead to my room/apartment ending up resembling a circus. Or the home of some old, eclectic lady who collects ugly teapots and volunteers weekly with an organization to spay/neuter stray animals.
These are legitimate concerns.

Stake conference this weekend! My brother-in-law, Robert, is speaking. He was diagnosed with leukemia last November, but is doing awesome now. It has been amazing how he and my sister Ashley have handled all that adversity. I'm excited to hear what he and others will have to say. It is also rumored that a general authority may be there? Which would be neat-o.

Much love!

PS: I have a severe addiction to the song "The Start of Something" by Voxtrot. So good! Give it a listen below.

thoughts/ramblings

I am trying to set up Mom's website for her, yourtuthfromtheinsideout.com, but ugh. This whole web-hosting-setup thing is harder than I thought it would be! I'm sure if/when I knuckle down, I'll be able to figure it out...hopefully.

Also, I am debating whether or not today should be a shower day. I am due for one, but my hair still looks good, which is a rare occurence! Usually, when I wake up I look like a demented cockatoo. Or maybe a cuckoo dementor.
Alls I'm saying is that I don't want to ruin a good thing.
Maybe a body shower?

I am looking forward to going back to BYU-I in January.
Main reasons for this:
-Increase in productivity.
-Getting some schooling done.
-Not feeling like a useless bum?
-Having a social life that is, shall we say, "bumpin'".
-More opportunities to date...or something.
-Tess!
Still, I am not looking forward to the cold, or being seperated from family, or being crazy stressed with school work... but I guess I'll just make the most of the hot weather, my ample spare time, and my crazy fam whilst I am here!

a wonderful weekend.

It really was a great weekend, filled with some of my favorite things.

There was my Dad's homemade salsa, and breakfast burritos to enjoy it on.

I listened to the living prophet speak in General Conference.

I got to hang out with my amazing family.

We were spiritually uplifted together.

We laughed together.

Watched Dirty Jobs together.

I have an interview with the woman who (helped) cater Ashley's wedding reception.

I am rested, rejuvenated, and ready to go!

So, watch out, world!

The Ultimate Dare

This past weekend was so amazing. I drove down to California and spent the weekend with Tess. I love that girl! She is a true friend, even if it is impossible for us to share a bed (apparently I kick/touch/take over when I'm sleeping...excessively).

In any case, I got lots of sun and tons of beach time. We even rode seadoos; Tess was wowed by my amazing seadoo-ing skills (and with good reason ;] ). We even chatted up a good number of fellas, rode a roller coaster. Serenaded random people on the beach (on the uke of course), and have an all-around good time. I love hanging out with Tess because she makes it hard to take the world (or myself) too seriously.

Her mission over the weekend was to get me to do/say silly, random, outrageous things--and I did. Half because it was her birthday and i couldn't begrudge her a birthday-dare or two, and half because it really was fun.

For instance, we were shopping and we walked past the Abercrombie and Fitch store. I stopped in my tracks, staring at this huge, blown up picture of a man's naked torso, with pants pulled dangerously low. We of course giggled at it--it was completely absurd. We both agreed that those pants were just scary-low. Too-much-information-low. Seriously scandalous. And then: the dare came. Go into the shop, and closely and conspicuously inspect the photo. In a squint-your-eyes, bend-closer-to-see, put-hand-to-face-in-thoughtful-gesture-type manner. And of course, I did, and got several odd looks from patrons and employees alike.
I was sure at the time that I was making some awesome statement, but the exact intended message of that action escapes me at the moment.

Another example: Monday night we went out to P.F. Chang's, just the two of us, for dinner, and made up this whole elaborate scheme to get the entire restaurant to sing her hapy birthday. It didn't work too well; it ended up just being two waiters and my lungs at full power that sang to her. It was still sufficiently humiliating, and thus a success, nonetheless. I'm sure we convinced several of the tables around use that we were pretty intoxicated--despite the fact that all we'd had was water (and of course, neither of us drinks). Alas, our strange, crazy, obnoxious behavior does not even have that explanation (excuse?) !


In any case, I love being aroud Tess, because she's one of those friends who insists on me always being honest, being myself. It's like this unspoken challenge, the ultimate dare: "Be true to you!" Around her, I am reminded that what others think of me and how they perceive me really isn't a big deal, and that I actually can't even control that. Even if everyone on the planet thought I was crazy, or homicidal, or lazy/untrustworthy/etc., it wouldn't matter; I would still be OK. It's none of my business what people think of me.
And Tess reminds me of this, reminds me of my business. It is my job is to just live my life in such a way that brings me joy, and allows me to think well of myself and feel good about who I am. And really, if I do that, who can fault me for it?

80's Night!

After FHE we had a movie night. I think we are going to make a tradition of it (although we might move it to another night). Last week we watched Hook and dressed as pirates--it was awesome! I wish I had pics of Tess and I as pirates, but alas, I do not.

Still, I have pitchas of this week! It was 80's night, and we watched Footloose (which is actually a pretty heinous movie--but entertaining). I was so amused at all the scandalized reactions at the locker room scene (there are a few nakey man-buttocks in it).

From left to right: Erin, Alisa (both roomies), Tess, and me! Aren't my feathered bangs just fabuloso?

Erin and me. I don't know what I am doing with my hand... haha.

Tess and I are about as fly as it gets.

We totally should have been eighties chicks. We would have ROCKED that decade!

Ok sooo some peeps I don't quite know in this one...the most important one to point out though is DUDE IN THE YELLOW SWEATER who would be Drew. Party!And another of him. Because I can? And also because I want you guys to see that he really is cute. And just FYI, the yellow sweater and glasses are also for 80's night.

LOVE YOU ALL!

Elyssa Jean