I know, i really don't have an excuse, but it did get to finals, and then I was home trying to settle in...still, it's been close to two months. And just because I'm home doesn't mean people don't want to know what's going on with me anymore!
Speaking of writing, that is something I definitely want to do more of, especially now that I'm home. I love the feeling of going back and rereading something I've written and being, well, pleased with it. It happens, you know, every once in a while. I love opening up a file I'd forgotten I'd even saved, and then reading all that was on my mind, or what I was wanting to imagine, months ago. It's kind of like having a friend remind me of who I am.
I think maybe hat's why I love writing and reading so much; it is the way, however crude or imperfect it may be, that we connect with others, and share a part of ourselves with. I feel that even with things like essays; if I never sat down and took the time to really work out my ideas about a specific book or topic, I might never have discovered some of them. I would never have been able to share them with others.
I loved my advanced writing class this past semester. I had Bro. Samuelson, and he was so good. He always had the best advice. One thing I remember him saying that will probably stick with me is: "A writer is someone who writes." I was like, no kidding! I love the truth in that. find what you want, and be it. I don't have to be published or write a brilliant novel to be a writer, I just have to write. It was like a wake up call: do what you love! Be what you want already!
I remember one class period, we were discussing issues we were having with writing our papers, and I mentioned that I was feeling stuck. I had all these ideas, but they were floating around in my research and in my head, and I was having a hard time organizing them all. Bro. Samuelson gave me the simple advice to just start; it didn't matter which paragraph I wrote, or how many changes I would end up making to it, or how rough it is. The most important thing was to just take those first few steps.
I think that is how it is with much of life; we have all these ideas, all these things we want to implement in our lives. It's easy to get so caught up in my thoughts and how I think my life should be that I lose sight of what my life is, and what I'm making it. Especially now, when I'm kind of in this in-between stage, not a kid but not quite and adult. It's easy to get stuck in the "when...then..."'s, as in: "when I graduate, then I'll be rich and won't have to worry about money," or "when I'm married, then I won't have the stress of dating anymore..." What it all really boils down to is the belief that I have to wait to have what I want, to be happy, or to be my ideal self.
Maybe we all need to keep in mind that the only steps we can really choose are the ones we take today; hopefully we'll choose our path wisely and end up somewhere beautiful tomorrow, but still, the biggest thing we have is today. It's the biggest gift we can give, to ourselves, to others, to God; that's why it's called the "present."
So, go ahead and be that writer. Or whatever it is you are wanting to be. The words and the rest will simply follow.
All my love.
