I'm an English major. Expect disdain.

I study English.

Which, as you probably know, makes me pretentious.

By definition of being an English major, I know more and have better tastes than you. It's just a fact.

Another byproduct of studying literature is the gross compulsion I have, upon finishing a good book, to talk about it. In fact, it often pains me to read books outside of a class, because the chances of finding an intelligent human to discuss it with are greatly reduced.

For instance, I just finished The Road by Cormac McCarthy. I was in the Spori office with it sitting next to me, and a friend walked up to me and asked me how I liked it. I replied that while it was a very despairing, I still found it very hopeful.

"Yea, I didn't really like his punctuation style. He left out apostrophes all over the place--it drove me crazy," he said.

I stared at him blankly. That's the style he wrote it in; that's the point, I explained. It helps construct the monotonous tone.

"I don't know. And what's up with the boy and the father not having names? That drove me crazy. And I really wish the book had had more of an exposition. We don't even know how the world got to its post-apocalyptic state," he said.

Again, I was confused. An exposition? Names? They would have ruined the book. It would be a completely different novel.

The father and son remaining nameless—that was the point. When there is only one person in your world, do they need a name? Do they need some distinguishing label?

I guess, as an English major, I have had an abiding trust of authors and writers imbedded in my psyche. When a writer does something like leave a character nameless, or drop me into a post-apocalyptic world without much explanation, I assume it is for a reason. There is a purpose for this, a statement being made, and if I don’t see it, it just means I need to look harder.

But then, maybe I shouldn’t go around assuming these writers are smart. At least, smarter than me.

Perhaps my friend is right, and he does know better than Mr. McCarthy how his book should have been written.

For now, I think I'll just have to stop reading extracurricularly.

It's causing me to lose faith in my generation.

time flies on...

So I think it's starting to really sink in that I have a pretty limited amount of time left at home. I am sad about this in a lot of ways, but mostly I just feel a motivation to kick it in gear and get all the family-loving and free-time-hugging in that I can.

I am really excited about going back up to school, though. I have been thinking about it, and I have been getting a feeling that there is something I'm meant to be doing in Rexburg. Not that I would necessarily be the president of anything, but I definitely want to be more involved. I want to start a mini-company with Tess maybe, based around handmaking, refurbishing, and upcycling, and selling the awesome stuff we make. We have also talked about putting out a monthly zine.
In any case, I'm not sure exactly what my contribution will look like, but I am pretty sure it will involve writing. I'd like it to, anyway. I do have a lot of ideas; I suppose I will just have to see which pan out.

And just a reminder, in case you needed it (I know I have): God is mindful of you. And he loves you. Like, a ton.
That warm feeling you have?
Means it's true.

Until next time, much love.

ps: if you have any cool ideas, I need a name for my company/zine. leave a comment with suggestions! leave one, really. even if it's totally silly. it is needful for you to do this. now!

sorry it's been so long!

I know, i really don't have an excuse, but it did get to finals, and then I was home trying to settle in...still, it's been close to two months. And just because I'm home doesn't mean people don't want to know what's going on with me anymore!

Speaking of writing, that is something I definitely want to do more of, especially now that I'm home. I love the feeling of going back and rereading something I've written and being, well, pleased with it. It happens, you know, every once in a while. I love opening up a file I'd forgotten I'd even saved, and then reading all that was on my mind, or what I was wanting to imagine, months ago. It's kind of like having a friend remind me of who I am.
I think maybe hat's why I love writing and reading so much; it is the way, however crude or imperfect it may be, that we connect with others, and share a part of ourselves with. I feel that even with things like essays; if I never sat down and took the time to really work out my ideas about a specific book or topic, I might never have discovered some of them. I would never have been able to share them with others.
I loved my advanced writing class this past semester. I had Bro. Samuelson, and he was so good. He always had the best advice. One thing I remember him saying that will probably stick with me is: "A writer is someone who writes." I was like, no kidding! I love the truth in that. find what you want, and be it. I don't have to be published or write a brilliant novel to be a writer, I just have to write. It was like a wake up call: do what you love! Be what you want already!
I remember one class period, we were discussing issues we were having with writing our papers, and I mentioned that I was feeling stuck. I had all these ideas, but they were floating around in my research and in my head, and I was having a hard time organizing them all. Bro. Samuelson gave me the simple advice to just start; it didn't matter which paragraph I wrote, or how many changes I would end up making to it, or how rough it is. The most important thing was to just take those first few steps.
I think that is how it is with much of life; we have all these ideas, all these things we want to implement in our lives. It's easy to get so caught up in my thoughts and how I think my life should be that I lose sight of what my life is, and what I'm making it. Especially now, when I'm kind of in this in-between stage, not a kid but not quite and adult. It's easy to get stuck in the "when...then..."'s, as in: "when I graduate, then I'll be rich and won't have to worry about money," or "when I'm married, then I won't have the stress of dating anymore..." What it all really boils down to is the belief that I have to wait to have what I want, to be happy, or to be my ideal self.
Maybe we all need to keep in mind that the only steps we can really choose are the ones we take today; hopefully we'll choose our path wisely and end up somewhere beautiful tomorrow, but still, the biggest thing we have is today. It's the biggest gift we can give, to ourselves, to others, to God; that's why it's called the "present."
So, go ahead and be that writer. Or whatever it is you are wanting to be. The words and the rest will simply follow.

All my love.