Besties.

As many in my family know, my good friend Jinny has recently started attending church and taking the missionary discussions. She had been talking for a while about finding out more about our church (I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, i.e. LDS or Mormon), and so I invited her to attend with me probably four weeks ago. She really enjoyed it! Everyone in my singles ward was really friendly. She particularly like the Sunday School lesson, which was on Faith in Jesus Christ. She has attended church with me every Sunday since, and Thursday she had her second discussion with the missionaries. She has started reading the Book of Mormon, and has felt the Spirit very strongly.

I really love Jinny. She has been an example to me for all of the four years we have been friends. She has always been very strong, loving, and generous. It has been exciting to see her faith increased, and her heart opened. It makes me so happy to see the truths that bring me joy in my life bring joy to her, as well. To see her remembering things she once knew. She has had two missionary discussions so far, and have a third next Tuesday. She really loves them. I also, have loved being their with her on this journey, to be reminded of truths, and to remember my faith, as well. As I have been with her and supported her, I have noticed that my perspective, especially spiritually, has been renewed, and my excitement about God and my relationship with Him revitalized. It has been fun, touching, and awesome. She is an amazing person, and such a great friend. We have shared a lot in the time we've been friends, and I know we'll share much more in years to come. I love her!

Jinny and me at Ashley and Robert's wedding reception.

Yesterday, I went over to Karalee's early in the morning (though not as early as originally planned--oops!), and we did yoga! Well, I did yoga, and she managed to squeeze in a couple poses before her two kids put an end to all of that. Tyler is adorable, and I love that every time she sees my she runs over and gives me a hug. She always so happy when I come over. It warms this Aunt's heart!
I also accompanied them (along with Brittany, Janelle and her two chilluns, and Ashley) to Linens'N'Things. It is closing down so they were having a big sale. I got some sheets, a rug, a mattress cover, and a throw pillow for my room when I go back up to school. Byron and Tyler were hilarious, they had these little vibrating, handheld massagers, and were running around the store with them. Byron was sure this device had to do somethign more than simply massage; so he pressed it against his chest and yell, "I'M INVIS'BLE!! YOU CAN'T SEE ME I'M INVIS'BLE!!!" We all humored him and played along with, "My goodness, where did Byron go???" and "Don't know, I can't see him anywhere!!!" Tyler didn't really get that we were pretending, and just stood there looking confused, pointing at Byron right in front of us, and saying, "Here! Here! He here! Right here!" It was adorable. I love those kids.

We also went to JoAnn's, and I got some REALLY gorgeous textured silk to make a duvet cover with. It is a rich, beautiful gold color, and I got it for SUPER cheap--only $4.50 a yd! I think my angels really worked that one out. We also ate a delicious and wholesome lunch at Panera Bread. It was great to hang out with my sisters and their cute kids.

my day in 10

1) Shaved my legs. Picked at two ingrown hairs, got mild razorburn on my right leg. But what was once hairy and scary is now smooth and sleek!
2) Cleaned my bedroom. This included vacuuming my carpet, making my bed, and dusting. How accomplished I am!
3) Bleached a few black things I have inherited from sisters. One, a tunic top, turned out really cool and almost heathered looking. A pair of capris were a bit spotty and questionable. I'll have to check them out when they dry.
4) Ate caprice salad with Brittany.
5) Read part of Preach My Gospel in preparation to sit in on Jinny's second missionary discussion tomorrow.
6) Karalee came over! We listened to Carol Tuttle's Radio Program from this week. It was about money, and other things, and was most excellent!
7) Helped Tyler with (did for her?) a Strawberry Shortcake puzzle. Also made her into monkey soup. And gave her a horsey ride. It was an eventful afternoon.
8) Attended Institute. I was only ten minutes late (!). We discussed Matthew 13, mostly, with the parables and the Gathering of Israel. I loves me some New Testament!
9) Watched some of the season premier of Pushing Daisies. Lee Pace is too yummy!
10) Was interrupted when Mom and Brittany arrived home from mutual. Assisted in kitchen clean up. Had a good convo with Momma.

It was a good day. Tomorrow will be better.
Goodnight, all.
I love you.

Faith.

It is something I am trying to learn more of. I thought I was doing pretty okay with it. Was doing alright with the whole, pray-study-ponder thing. I figured my faith had grown a lot up at college, in leaps and bounds. Me and my faith, we were pretty strong. Ready for most everything.
And then I came home from college.

It seems silly to me to sit here saying that coming home from BYU-Idaho has been so hard. I mean, I was going to a great school, and then came home to an even better family. Hard life, huh?
But, oddly, it was. I guess I had all these expectations of how it would be and what would happen. I was going to get a job that paid well and gave good hours. I was going to be part of a totally awesome singles' ward and dominate the social scene. Boys would be falling over themselves to date me! My family would be so strung out with elation over my triumphant return that, well, they simply wouldn't know what to do with themselves. I would practice the cello! Learn the guitar! Paint! Write! Show the world what I was meant to do.
And then, I came home. I didn't have a bedroom. All my plans for getting a job fell flat. My singles' ward turned out to be awkward. I've been on a total of one date. And, I have all this free time, but what to do with it? I sat around for many hours. Re-watched all 4 seasons of the Office. Wasted a lot of time.

Which is how I got to where I was last night. On the way to pick up Britt from work, I thought about how I had spent my day. I had promised myself that I would get my bedroom and bathroom clean; both still lay in gross disarray. I had watched the Bee Movie "on demand"--and by myself. I had eaten a entire half of a frozen pizza by myself, in one sitting. The thoughts were all pretty dismal.
And then Brittany gets into the car and asks me: "So, what did you do today?" aaaand I kind of lost it. Started crying. Pretty intensely, too. I don't think Brittany really knew what to do. I was just so--MAD at myself! When we got home, of course, Mom and Dad wanted to know what was wrong. Dad offered a blessing, which I accepted, gladly. Then we had a nice, long talk. I prayed and went to bed feeling much better.

I woke up this morning, eyes all puffy still. Sigh. Got ready for my first day of work (at Tilly's! seasonally! minimum wage!). Eyes still looked puffy. And they kept looking and feeling that way all day, reminding me of all the things I had to think about and ponder on. And I had some inspirations.
I was reminded of Matthew 6:24-34. It's a particularly poetic excerpt from Christ's sermon on the mount (you can read the whole thing here). But, I will quote verses 31-34.

"31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow; for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

Maybe the whole not-getting-a-real-full-time-job-thing is a blessing. Not even really in disguise. I mean, I have loads of free time. More than I know what to do with. Something that so many would fall over themselves to have a li'l mo of in their lives.
More than that, though, there is a reason I need to have a complete overload of it in my life right now. I know that the Lord has something great, something important He wants me to do with it. It might be something different each week, or it might be a lot of little somethings each day, or it might be one big something from now until the time I head back up for school. I don't know, and I decided: I don't have to! I just need a bit of faith, enough to take the step I'm feeling right about, and that will be good. That will be enough.
And also, I don't need to know and figure out exactly how my schooling will get paid for. It will because it's where I want to be, and where Heavenly Father wants me to be. It is right. It will happen. I know that.
I guess my lesson right now is not to worry that I'm not "toiling" or "spinning" as much as I should be or think I should be, or whatever. But to just have faith. Trust that the Lord will reveal to me all things that I should be doing, if I will keep a clear mind and an open heart to receive what He has to tell me.
And trust that, as I allow myself to be more of what God created me to be, that I will know what to do, and that He will feed me and guide me. Just as He does the fowl of the air and the lilies of the field.
And all it takes to start is a little more Faith. Maybe only a mustard-seed's worth more than I had yesterday. But just that tiny bit.
And the rest will follow.

The Ultimate Dare

This past weekend was so amazing. I drove down to California and spent the weekend with Tess. I love that girl! She is a true friend, even if it is impossible for us to share a bed (apparently I kick/touch/take over when I'm sleeping...excessively).

In any case, I got lots of sun and tons of beach time. We even rode seadoos; Tess was wowed by my amazing seadoo-ing skills (and with good reason ;] ). We even chatted up a good number of fellas, rode a roller coaster. Serenaded random people on the beach (on the uke of course), and have an all-around good time. I love hanging out with Tess because she makes it hard to take the world (or myself) too seriously.

Her mission over the weekend was to get me to do/say silly, random, outrageous things--and I did. Half because it was her birthday and i couldn't begrudge her a birthday-dare or two, and half because it really was fun.

For instance, we were shopping and we walked past the Abercrombie and Fitch store. I stopped in my tracks, staring at this huge, blown up picture of a man's naked torso, with pants pulled dangerously low. We of course giggled at it--it was completely absurd. We both agreed that those pants were just scary-low. Too-much-information-low. Seriously scandalous. And then: the dare came. Go into the shop, and closely and conspicuously inspect the photo. In a squint-your-eyes, bend-closer-to-see, put-hand-to-face-in-thoughtful-gesture-type manner. And of course, I did, and got several odd looks from patrons and employees alike.
I was sure at the time that I was making some awesome statement, but the exact intended message of that action escapes me at the moment.

Another example: Monday night we went out to P.F. Chang's, just the two of us, for dinner, and made up this whole elaborate scheme to get the entire restaurant to sing her hapy birthday. It didn't work too well; it ended up just being two waiters and my lungs at full power that sang to her. It was still sufficiently humiliating, and thus a success, nonetheless. I'm sure we convinced several of the tables around use that we were pretty intoxicated--despite the fact that all we'd had was water (and of course, neither of us drinks). Alas, our strange, crazy, obnoxious behavior does not even have that explanation (excuse?) !


In any case, I love being aroud Tess, because she's one of those friends who insists on me always being honest, being myself. It's like this unspoken challenge, the ultimate dare: "Be true to you!" Around her, I am reminded that what others think of me and how they perceive me really isn't a big deal, and that I actually can't even control that. Even if everyone on the planet thought I was crazy, or homicidal, or lazy/untrustworthy/etc., it wouldn't matter; I would still be OK. It's none of my business what people think of me.
And Tess reminds me of this, reminds me of my business. It is my job is to just live my life in such a way that brings me joy, and allows me to think well of myself and feel good about who I am. And really, if I do that, who can fault me for it?

sorry it's been so long!

I know, i really don't have an excuse, but it did get to finals, and then I was home trying to settle in...still, it's been close to two months. And just because I'm home doesn't mean people don't want to know what's going on with me anymore!

Speaking of writing, that is something I definitely want to do more of, especially now that I'm home. I love the feeling of going back and rereading something I've written and being, well, pleased with it. It happens, you know, every once in a while. I love opening up a file I'd forgotten I'd even saved, and then reading all that was on my mind, or what I was wanting to imagine, months ago. It's kind of like having a friend remind me of who I am.
I think maybe hat's why I love writing and reading so much; it is the way, however crude or imperfect it may be, that we connect with others, and share a part of ourselves with. I feel that even with things like essays; if I never sat down and took the time to really work out my ideas about a specific book or topic, I might never have discovered some of them. I would never have been able to share them with others.
I loved my advanced writing class this past semester. I had Bro. Samuelson, and he was so good. He always had the best advice. One thing I remember him saying that will probably stick with me is: "A writer is someone who writes." I was like, no kidding! I love the truth in that. find what you want, and be it. I don't have to be published or write a brilliant novel to be a writer, I just have to write. It was like a wake up call: do what you love! Be what you want already!
I remember one class period, we were discussing issues we were having with writing our papers, and I mentioned that I was feeling stuck. I had all these ideas, but they were floating around in my research and in my head, and I was having a hard time organizing them all. Bro. Samuelson gave me the simple advice to just start; it didn't matter which paragraph I wrote, or how many changes I would end up making to it, or how rough it is. The most important thing was to just take those first few steps.
I think that is how it is with much of life; we have all these ideas, all these things we want to implement in our lives. It's easy to get so caught up in my thoughts and how I think my life should be that I lose sight of what my life is, and what I'm making it. Especially now, when I'm kind of in this in-between stage, not a kid but not quite and adult. It's easy to get stuck in the "when...then..."'s, as in: "when I graduate, then I'll be rich and won't have to worry about money," or "when I'm married, then I won't have the stress of dating anymore..." What it all really boils down to is the belief that I have to wait to have what I want, to be happy, or to be my ideal self.
Maybe we all need to keep in mind that the only steps we can really choose are the ones we take today; hopefully we'll choose our path wisely and end up somewhere beautiful tomorrow, but still, the biggest thing we have is today. It's the biggest gift we can give, to ourselves, to others, to God; that's why it's called the "present."
So, go ahead and be that writer. Or whatever it is you are wanting to be. The words and the rest will simply follow.

All my love.

Many much moosen!

Ok, so it's been a while since I've updated and I definitely have some things to share.

So, for my Birthday I bought myself two tops from Buckle--and they are way cute! One is an awesome marbled green/brown/rust top. The other is flowy with flutter sleeves and is this awesome teal color. So, that was fun.

I have two gigantic mosquito bites--they are so vicious! Hopefully one of these days my body will figure out how to handle bug bites and pollen without freaking out quite so much. My allergies have been bugging a lot, too.

Drew and I are no longer dating. Just fyi!

So on Monday, I got up and got ready and everything, and left for work at around 7:50. I was walking down the sidewalk by the girls dorm, and I suddenly heard this weird clattering noise--like someone was running pretty fast and oddly behind me. I didn't get too much time to think about it before a moose shot out from behind me! It was crazy! After I figured out what it was, I said a quick prayer of thanks that it didn't charge me or anything. It wasn't very big and its antlers were small as well. It kind of ran onto the grass by the next dorm complex, then turned back onto the sidewalk. A bunch of kids for EFY were standing on the sidewalk. A couple of the girls screamed and ran, while three guys stood there and took pictures. The moose just kept on running past them into the Taylor courtyard and right on through campus. I don't know where it ended up--I'm just glad that happened in the morning when there weren't many people around on campus! It was very odd to see, but cool all the same. Idaho is such a funny place!

I'm pretty anxious to be heading home. It's only 3 weeks from today--which is crazy when I think about all the work I still need to get done. I'm having fun though, and I'm definitely not as stressed out as I was last time I wrote. It is nice because in all of my classes I'm just having a final project, not a test, which means as long as I get everything done my last week of school won't be too crazy and crammed with studying.

I just got done with the poetry unit in my Creative Writing class, and I was pretty satisfied with how a couple turned out. I've decided to include them for you all to (hopefully) enjoy.

I love you all, and for those of you in Vegas, I can't wait to see you in three weeks!


Phoenix
Electric, and so
can animate.
Or burn. Raze:
Incinerate

Lightningfirelash
—set that forest ablaze!
Glowing ashes will, alone,
verdant saplings raise

for that soot will teach more
than the oak ever knew
Of how It Was, Is:
Lived, stood, grew

Into something aliver
Despite how amort—
salubrious, and so:
Strengthen, support.



Seal Carcass on the Beach: Newport, CA
A bulging eye, both gazing and glazed; it stared
Intently with the blindness of death, no brain
Inside that skull, just a mess of gray, blood, veins:
Or so I imagined as I squatted and stared

Back into that void, and wondered where the spark
Fled to when extinguished. The body was half
Smothered in sand, the breeze delighted to waft
Its fishy stench up, out, over the spark-

Ling waves. With each break of brine the seal
Would rock slightly, steam rising from its body
In the cool January air, evidence of its rotting.
But what power the dead held to seal

me in place like no living creature
Ever had, in zoo, national park, or even
the stuffed statues of the natural history museum
all those glass eyes. All those dead creatures

so much neater than this mass of decaying flesh .
in our world of morgues and street sweepers, garbage
trucks to collect our refuse, so rarely must we live
amongst the waste and messiness that flesh

out this world; perhaps it is the absence
of such that makes its rare appearance enthrall
so thoroughly, and fascinate: reminded of the slow crawl
of life to our eventual abandoning and absence.



Saguaro
desert growing fingers,
small hairs of spines
cool glass bead in hand,
water droplets.
I stand, arms up,
never tiring, always burning.
o simple so quaint so profound.
Leading the lost:
upward bound.



Playing with Black Cats
The firecracker exPLODED
Upon me! Heat meeting
volatility in my hand—
finger + thumb = Violently
divided by a SNAP.
the fuse was: too short. and
— I knew it. but still . . .
it had to be lit.

So, it's been well over a month since I posted, so I thought it was about time.
My birthday was yesterday! It was a pretty chill day, but fun. Thanks to everyone who called or sent me a card! That meant a lot to me.
I had a class that went from 6:00-8:45, but afterwards I made Texas sheet cake and had people over to eat it. I can't make it as well as Ashley can, but it was still good--definitely edible! Drew also came over, and he sang me the "Happy Birthday" song from Norway (where he went on his mission). It was pretty awesome; he even translated it for me.
Drew and I are still dating, but still taking it slow. It's hard to find time to hang out since I've been crazy busy and had tons of school work.
Um, what else? Apparently I inspired Tess to learn to the ukulele, and her and I have been jamming lately--her on the uke, me on the cello. It's pretty hilarious/awesome. There is a ward talent show next week and we are planning to perform "Modern Girl" by Sleater-Kinney (which I doubt any of you have heard :D). We are dorks, though, and since I have a microphone, we made a recording of us playing/singing. I uploaded the recording below (it will just be audio--no picture). It's pretty soft so turn up your speakers.


Other exciting things: I rearranged my bedroom so that my desk is in my closet. Now I can fit my matress on the floor underneath my loft bed! That is exciting; the room has a much nicer feel to it. Also, I don't realy like sleeping so far off the floor. It's kind of weird.
Classes have been going well, although I still feel behind. I think that is probably just how this semester's going to go, though. But, I will be out of school five weeks from today! July 18th! So it will all be over too soon; I can hang on a little longer.
Well, Tess and I are probably going to go to Idaho Falls tonight for a B-Day celebration. We will probably have dinner and maybe shop or see the Incredible Hulk (Edward Norton! sigh).
I love you all!

Elyssa Jean