There was a lot that I felt was good advice; overall this was a great introduction for young people to dating. I remember having a lot of questions when I was younger that the magazine addressed.
Another section addressed to the young women. The Young Women's Presidency gave dating advice, most of which were good things like "Be Physically Fit," and "Improve your social skills."
But one bullet of advice really bothered me. It read, "Behave like a daughter of God. Do not be forward, loud, brash, or suggestive. You may have seen this kind of behavior in movies, but it is not fitting for a young woman who understands her identity as a daughter of God."
Hmmm, I thought. I am definitely all those things.
Forward? Check.
I've definitely asked guys on dates. I've told others that they needed to take me on a date.
Loud? Check.
Ironically, I was loudly reading excerpts from the New Era in my hand just moments before. I seem to be missing the volume-control built in to most humans.
Brash? Check.
I'll admit it — I'm irreverent. I try not to be rude, but the truth is, life is too funny and absurd and ridiculous to be polite and soft-spoken all the time.
And suggestive? Check.
Not sexually suggestive, silly. Is that really all you can think about?
But, I suggest things all the time. Just today I suggested that the trash be taken out, because something smelled like rotting, snot-covered, fetid pig vomit.
Not to get graphic or anything.
Also, I would suggest that maybe it would be better to encourage young women to be genuine and unique. To love who they are, even if that is brash and loud. To be willing to take responsibility for their life and get what they want—even if it means being forward, or being intimidating and not getting asked out.
I suggest that it is great to be brash and loud. Being forward and going for what I want doesn't mean that I misunderstand my role as a woman — it just means that I'm not afraid to make things happen. My strong personality is what makes me powerful, and I'm not afraid to be so. I know that I was created loud and forward for a reason, in the same way so many are timid or shy. They are just different ways to do the same thing; to share my beliefs, to be bold, to be forward in what I feel passionate about.
So, go ahead girls: get loud. Be brash. Go forward. Make suggestions. Because you're powerful, and it is this boldness that will enable you to make a positive change in the world.
4 comments:
I have a lot in my heart about your post - and the article.
Yes, I feel like that part was poorly worded. I think instead of reading:
Behave like a daughter of God. Do not be forward, loud, brash, or suggestive. You may have seen this kind of behavior in movies, but it is not fitting for a young woman who understands her identity as a daughter of God.
It should have read:
Behave like a daughter of God. Do not be disrespectful, insensitive, inappropriate, or unclean. You may have seen this kind of behavior in movies, but it is not fitting for a young woman who understands her identity as a daughter of God.
Because contrary to popular belief, you can be all of the items of the first statement and still be a good person. And understand that you hold yourself to a higher standard.
(Jury glances at Elyssa, case rested.)
That being said, being forward, loud, brash, or suggestive may not accelerate your odds for dating. Especially at 16 when really everything feels like it's holding you back from a date.
Looking back, I was also probably all of those things as an adolescent. Also, I probably still am.
Also, if we were to compare a line graph of the dates I've been on versus the dates of a probably more demure girl, I'm guessing you'd see a higher success rate in lady "b". I'm guessing that girl comes with a little bit more mystery - not a bad suggestion when it comes to dating.
I'm really undecided on the advice.
I do think it is important to be yourself - to be the best version of yourself specifically. But want more than that, and you're just getting picky.
Maybe they meant to not be overbearing. Boldness is okay, but it would make sense if they were warning against overbearance. And by that I mean losing control over your loudness and brashness and boldness. I've found myself, at times, unable to not make loud jokes or rude comments because I've put myself in the habit of doing so. I think they meant that, being out of control. And as Latter-day Saints, I think we need to refine our faculties to master control over them.
I think they could have been more clear in their description. But as a man, I see the loud, out of volume-control women as being very unattractive.
But a confident, refined, controlled woman who has a proper sense of social propriety? That's hot.
I agree--and I totally get what you are saying. I think I could even say that I get what the YW Presidency was really trying to say--that, like Olivia emphasized, girls should be sensitive, caring, and kind.
I guess it struck a nerve with me because I spent a lot of my life feeling out of place. In Mormon culture, women that are soft-spoken, domestic and demure. I'm not naturally any of those things, and I had to confront that that's ok. I just don't want girls to think that being outspoken, feisty or forward makes them unlady-like, inappropriate or undatable (something that translates even into unlovable). I guess, for me, I had to reconcile being sassy and sometimes obnoxious with the expectations that are prevalent in the Church of what it means to be a woman.
Elyssa- you are brillant- I am a huge fan of you.
Olivia- you are also brillant
Elyssa & Olivia- we need to play soon.
Post a Comment