The beauty is the blur.

Sometimes, you stand still.

You just stand, or slump. you sit. you throw your head back and reach out to the sky.
You curl up, knees to chin, arms securely around.
You pose defiantly, legs sturdy and hands firmly on hips.

The world swirls around you in a blur:
your life
Passing.

Recently, it has been that way for me.
Days streak past me.
Not a bad thing in itself, but it makes it easier to miss out on the good things.

Standing still, watching everything move around me, it is dizzying.
I hardly know sometimes what to make of things.
I see a flash of color, and while I try to decide what it was, three more splash by me.

But maybe its not so much about organizing my life, knowing what each speeding streak means. Knowing where it is going or why it came.
Could those be as beautiful if I organized them, sorted them out?
Hung them up on a clothesline for all to see,
Or placed them carefully in individual boxes?

Where would the Life be in that?

Maybe it is less about knowing, and more about observing, and enjoying.
Noticing each shape, hue, rich- or flatness.
Letting each splash in turn, have its time
To be beautiful.

And so,
For now,
I trust that know matter why these streaks came, or where they are going
or what picture all these flashing colors will someday form
that no matter what magic they weave around me:

The sum
the whole
they someday will form, the glory these splashes hint at
will be so much more miraculous than
any of these
small
parts.

march 17th

cookies
with green frosting:
i ate three,
and a large bowl
of mint green
chocolate chip
ice cream.
guilty, a little;
but indulgence,
sometimes,
is the necessay cure.

My butt = in gear

Today was just what I needed: a swift kick of get-off-your-but-and-do-something. I got up at around 9:30, showered and got ready. Then I headed over to the Scroll office and helped with the production. The lead (the journalism world's equivalent of a hook in writing) needed some work, and I also wanted to get more experience on the producing end of things. I turned in an application to be a assistant editor for next semester and would really love to get that position.

I worked on the layout of my page, and also the layout of another. I formatted them both, came up with titles, and other exciting stuff, and got them passed off. It was so satisfying. I really enjoyed the whole process, and seeing the work that goes into finalizing the paper will definitely help me be a better writer.

After I finished there, I met up with Jake and we studied in the library for a few hours. I go a lot done, and although I know it will probably be a week of working hard before I am back to where I want to be, I know it will be worth it. And I feel good just knowing that I have started.

driving myself crazy

My alarm went off, the semi-cheery chorus of Psapp's "Hi" waking me. I groggily silenced it a couple times, then managed to drag myself out of bed. I lumbered around, ate a banana and was just about to start doing my hair when a sudden thought made my stomach lurch: I forgot to take that Spanish test. Yes, THAT test. The one that closed last night.

I frantically e-mailed my teacher, and she agreed to let me take it today and give me half credit for it. I did, and I think I actually did fairly well.

Still, I am furious with myself. So, so mad. 23+ points for that class, which is my toughest. Not what I needed.

And more than that is that I just know I haven't been working as hard as I should be. I have been working hard, but I could be doing more. I should be following the counsel of Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley when he said, "Just do the best you can, but be sure it is your very best."

Ah well. Tomorrow will be another day. Another week will come soon.
Hopefully I will get cracking a little more.

The Upside of Journalism

I really enjoy writing for the school newspaper. True, it is a lot of work, and sucks a lot of my time, but I love the practice I am getting with writing. It is a whole different style, and the journalism side of things is definitely honing my focus with writing. My articles are getting more cohesive, and I am proud of them. While sometimes it drives me crazy when I hit a wall and just cannot seem to pull the aricle together, I eventually get over that hump. And then it is that much more satisfying to hold the beautiful finished product in my hand!

One thing that I really love is that writing articles gives me an excuse to meet a lot of different people. The last article I published was about the handmade movement (if you don't know what that is, check out http://www.etsy.com/ and http://www.buyhandmade.org/). I went to a swap meet some students in the business department hosted and got to go around and meet a lot of crafters and artists who were selling their goods there. It was great to have an excuse to talk to them more, and to bring up questions you wouldn't in regular conversation.

Today, as well, I needed quotes for the article I am writing, which is on how students can be more eco-friendly. I went around to three different apartments in my complex, and stayed and hung out and chatted for a bit after I asked my questions and everything. It was a great excuse to just invite myself in and hang out for a little. Maybe I should do that more often just because?

I also went in to the Language & Letters Office today to be Academically Advised. As it turns out, I probably have four whole semesters of school left, taking about 13.5 credits a semester. I was kind of hoping that only 3 would suffice, but to pull that off I'm pretty sure I would have to take 18 credits a semester, which I am not so much all about? Also, this way I can probably take a couple classes just for fun.

I am also going to have to settle on a minor soon, but, oy vay! What a pain. At this point I think it is between Spanish, Music, and doing two Clusters (something tha BYU-I has; it is like half a minor, 12-15 credits, and you take two in place of a minor), maybe in Library Science and Journalism?
What do you think? I could use any advice you want to give.

Well, I love you all! If you haven't already, check out the silent auction for Robert Ashworth that is going on over at Karalee's Blog.

Much love!

Salutations to a stranger

Dear Girl With the Cute Jacket and Tote With Lips Printed All Over It:

Firstly, your jacket really is cute. Great color! Love that rich brown, and the faux-fur trim is cute as well. Maybe we should become friends so I can borrow it sometime.

Also, thanks for smiling at me today as you walked past. I know you probably smiled at a lot of people, but I was the girl with the short orange hair, looking decidedly mismatched in a chartreuse scarf, fuschia hoody and teal jacket. Yes, you made eye contact and held it. You smiled very sincerely. On such a cold day, it warmed my heart to receive such a greeting.

So thanks for being so friendly.

Sincerely,
Elyssa Jean

i'm a poet, did you know it?

I bought a small pack of thin notebooks, and have been writing poetry in them. I really want to start writing more, and a poem a day is not too much to handle.
This is my first, from February 20th.

Dreamed Seams

Embraced in cotton, all is surreal
thoughts skim, like oil across
the surface of conciousness.

Retinae flutter beneath lids
viewing, seeing what is not.
Mind exercising, reviewing what was,
making sense.

What I know then, is not existent
but so real. Tangible, colorful, more so
than waking.
This is the making:

The making of dreams, dreams
All is what it seems, sewn
at seams, light as air,
deep as seas.

My eyes move to view what can't be seen,
catch a glimps of what is true;
they can glean
a fragment of what makes up my mind,
myself, and I collect these,

In the pocket between waking and dreams,
and stitch them together, like so many
patches, an attempt to see,
the Whole,
What I am,
What is Me.